Sigh of relief

I love finding new blogs about motherhood, adoption, teaching your children... anything I feel has a pretty big place in my life. Months and months ago, I stumbled across an adoption blog -- I can't even remember where -- and found myself nodding along with what the writer was saying. I felt like she really got the loss aspect of adoption, something that's traditionally swept under the rug by most.

I'll admit I'm not the most faithful blogger or blog-reader anymore. I just don't feel good about putting in the amount of time it takes. I flip through a few favorite reads quickly on a pretty much daily basis, and I try to do one "clean out the reader" session about once a week. But a lot of times, I just "click, click, click" without paying TOO much attention, unless it's a blog I know that I love and will glean something from.

After skimming through a post recently on the aforementioned adoption blog, I did what I've been meaning to do for quite a while. I deleted this particular blog from my reader. It was overdue, and I finally found the two-and-a-half seconds to search for it in my list and hit "delete." And you know what? I honestly breathed a sigh of relief. It felt wonderful, and I'm not sure what took me so long to fix this oversight.

The point of this post is not to be ugly -- as you can see, I'm not naming names, and I'm not even giving details about what finally pushed me to the limit. I guess I'm just saying that, when you live with adoption in any form, there's bound to be a measure of grief/loss/stress that come along with it. Why have I been allowing my blood pressure to be raised when it's completely and totally unnecessary? Why am I allowing a stranger to make me cringe with, what I believe, is a completely skewed view of adoption, loss, and healing?

I will say this alone, and then I'm done with this topic. It literally pains me when the very thing I wish NEVER had to happen is the thing that some others are hoping and praying for.