Just when you think you've heard it all, people never cease to amaze you!
Mom #3 and I were working in the nursery together again this weekend. Another mom is apparently expecting her fourth, and at twenty weeks has less of a tummy than I do with only the previous night's supper in me. That's always nice to see.
So, as we know, no topic is off limits among nursery workers. Oh, nursery duty days... I just love how I never know what to expect from you!
So as the other two moms in the room were talking about their various delivery experiences (seven, between them) at different area hospitals, which had a good nursing staff, which did not, which nurseries were the nicest, which doctors they preferred, etc. I know this topic tends to come up among younger moms, and I do know that it's just one of those things I can't control, but also that I don't really have much to add to the conversation... obviously. :)
Finally, Mom #3 (see the linked post) asks me, "Where did you have Sassy?"
Um? Wasn't the whole "adoption" thing clear from previous conversations we've had?
Thinking she must have just forgotten, I smiled and said, "I didn't have Sassy." It was at this point that she looked at me like I had grown a third eye.
I filled her in on the fact that we had adopted Sassy, so I didn't actually birth her. :) The response was one that I can honestly say I had never gotten before. She told me I was wrong. I actually had someone tell me I was lying about Sassy being adopted. HUH??
Of course, she wasn't being mean... but apparently the adoption was just so incredulous to her that she sincerely thought I was telling her a story. I don't for the life of me know WHY I would lie about that, but okay then.
"No, you didn't! You HAD her! I know you did!" Exact. words. And repeated over and over... and over... and over...
I finally had to say, look, I was there, and it wasn't me she was coming out of. :) (Although I wasn't actually in the delivery room for a number of reasons, it was the only thing I could think of that seemed to get her to acknowledge that, yes, in fact, I was being completely honest!)
She never really indicated why she so strongly thought that Sassy was my biological child. I didn't ask... didn't seem productive.
Oh, it gets better though!
"So, whose is she then?" YES, REALLY!
"Mine!" was my reply, because that's the honest answer!
"No, I mean, who had her? Did you know her?"
"Well, we do now!" I said. I was into literal answers on this occasion, I guess!
I explained that we went through an agency, that we had a home study, that it was (ironically) about nine months from being approved to Sassy's birth, that Sassy's mom chose us from the profiles she had to view, that we have an open relationship with her, and that we do still visit when we have the opportunity.
I think she was still pretty shocked, though. I just didn't realize we were so... abnormal! Are we really that weird?!
Showing posts with label mommy tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy tales. Show all posts
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
She's ASLEEP!
After a week-long nap strike, Sassy is NAPPING!!!!! I put her down earlier than usual today (easier said than done), and it worked like a charm.
I feel like singing! But I won't because I don't want to wake her up. :)
Could I possibly be so lucky as to have naptime back in our normal routine?!
I feel like singing! But I won't because I don't want to wake her up. :)
Could I possibly be so lucky as to have naptime back in our normal routine?!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
A quick breakfast treat
Last week, I attended our church's moms group, and I was among those whose turn it was to bring breakfast. At nine o'clock on a weeknight, I didn't really feel like running to the store to buy ingredients for something tried-and-true... especially when American Idol was coming on. :) This is what I threw together with ingredients on-hand, and it seemed to go over pretty well!
Refrigerated crescent rolls. We had a package leftover.
Cream cheese. Oh, how I love thee!
Almonds (any nut you like would work here).
Strawberry jam, canned last summer.
Open your crescent rolls... and please don't be alarmed if this happens.
Even if you find pieces of dough halfway across your kitchen on a rug somewhere. Or if you continue finding those dried out dough pieces for the next two days. It's okay.
Smoosh the rolls into the bottom of a 9x13 pan, and don't worry if it doesn't look pretty. No one will see this part. I sprinkled a little cinnamon and sugar on the dough, and then baked at 375 degrees for about ten minutes (until it's somewhat "firm" to the touch).
Spread the cream cheese on in a thin layer (it will be melty since the crescent dough will still be hot, but I found that helped it spread a little easier). Next goes a layer of strawberry (or whatever flavor) jam. Apple butter would work nicely as well here! Continue baking at the same temperature for another twenty minutes (give or take a few). Don't be concerned if your jam looks runny when you pull it out of the oven... it will set up as it cools.
I had toasted a couple handfuls of almonds and chopped them up. Sprinkle them on top while your jam is still hot. Cut into squares and enjoy!
I was a little nervous bringing a complete and total experiment to a social gathering, and when I walked in to see all kinds of delicious-looking treats, I felt even more unsure! When I was asked what my breakfast was (someone thought it was a cobbler), I laughed and said that it was just what was in my fridge, and that they shouldn't feel obligated to eat it if it wasn't terrific. :) But I'm relieved to say that it was tasty, though a bit on the "sweet" side for my personal taste. The strawberry jam was definitely the most strong flavor, and I was really glad I'd added the almonds on top. Nevertheless, I brought home a nearly empty pan, and was even asked by two moms for the recipe. :)
Refrigerated crescent rolls. We had a package leftover.
Cream cheese. Oh, how I love thee!
Almonds (any nut you like would work here).
Strawberry jam, canned last summer.
Open your crescent rolls... and please don't be alarmed if this happens.
Even if you find pieces of dough halfway across your kitchen on a rug somewhere. Or if you continue finding those dried out dough pieces for the next two days. It's okay.
Smoosh the rolls into the bottom of a 9x13 pan, and don't worry if it doesn't look pretty. No one will see this part. I sprinkled a little cinnamon and sugar on the dough, and then baked at 375 degrees for about ten minutes (until it's somewhat "firm" to the touch).
Spread the cream cheese on in a thin layer (it will be melty since the crescent dough will still be hot, but I found that helped it spread a little easier). Next goes a layer of strawberry (or whatever flavor) jam. Apple butter would work nicely as well here! Continue baking at the same temperature for another twenty minutes (give or take a few). Don't be concerned if your jam looks runny when you pull it out of the oven... it will set up as it cools.
I had toasted a couple handfuls of almonds and chopped them up. Sprinkle them on top while your jam is still hot. Cut into squares and enjoy!
I was a little nervous bringing a complete and total experiment to a social gathering, and when I walked in to see all kinds of delicious-looking treats, I felt even more unsure! When I was asked what my breakfast was (someone thought it was a cobbler), I laughed and said that it was just what was in my fridge, and that they shouldn't feel obligated to eat it if it wasn't terrific. :) But I'm relieved to say that it was tasty, though a bit on the "sweet" side for my personal taste. The strawberry jam was definitely the most strong flavor, and I was really glad I'd added the almonds on top. Nevertheless, I brought home a nearly empty pan, and was even asked by two moms for the recipe. :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
If you give a mom some dirty dishes (a true story)
If you give a mom some dirty dinner dishes, she'll rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher.
When she can see to the bottom of the sink again, she'll notice that it's looking a little dingy, so she'll scrub out the sink quickly.
As she's scrubbing out the sink, she'll remember an item of clothing she'd intended to hand wash earlier in the day. She'll grab it and wash it in the sink while she's thinking about it.
When she is finished, she'll take the item upstairs to hang in the bathroom to dry.
While in the bathroom, she'll remember that she put toilet cleaner into the upstairs toilets earlier, but never came back to scrub them out. She'll finish that job since she's already in the bathroom.
While scrubbing the inside of the toilet out, she'll notice the outside could use a good wipe down, so she'll do that as well.
Upon leaving the bathroom, she'll see a stray pair of shoes that needs to be returned to the closet.
Once she's done that, she'll notice that the laundry basket is still sitting on her bed with folded clothes that are ready to be put away. She'll put the clothes away, and then take her child's clothes to the next room.
While putting laundry away in her child's room, she sees there are a couple of items that need to be hung up, so she'll put those things away as well.
She also figures she might as well take a minute to pull out her child's pajamas for the night and lay them out.
Seeing the pajamas will remind her that bathtime is coming soon, so she'll lay out a washcloth in the bathroom.
In the bathroom again, she'll notice that the wet clothing item is dripping onto the floor, so she'll go to the hall closet and pull out a towel to catch the wet drippings.
Returning to her child's room to finish putting the laundry away, she spies a bouncy ball partially hidden under her child's bed, so she'll pick it up and slip it into the spare bedroom to add to the "rainy day" collection.
Upon opening the spare bedroom door, she sees that she's forgotten to put away the wrapping paper rolls she'd gotten out a few nights prior to wrap some gifts. She'll take a minute to put those away.
While she's finishing that job, her small child barges in the room and reminds her that it's time for her bath, so she'll take her to the bathroom, brush her teeth, undress her, and sit her on the potty while drawing her bath.
Her husband enters the room for bath duty and asks "What have you been doing up here?"
"Nothing," she'll reply.
:)
When she can see to the bottom of the sink again, she'll notice that it's looking a little dingy, so she'll scrub out the sink quickly.
As she's scrubbing out the sink, she'll remember an item of clothing she'd intended to hand wash earlier in the day. She'll grab it and wash it in the sink while she's thinking about it.
When she is finished, she'll take the item upstairs to hang in the bathroom to dry.
While in the bathroom, she'll remember that she put toilet cleaner into the upstairs toilets earlier, but never came back to scrub them out. She'll finish that job since she's already in the bathroom.
While scrubbing the inside of the toilet out, she'll notice the outside could use a good wipe down, so she'll do that as well.
Upon leaving the bathroom, she'll see a stray pair of shoes that needs to be returned to the closet.
Once she's done that, she'll notice that the laundry basket is still sitting on her bed with folded clothes that are ready to be put away. She'll put the clothes away, and then take her child's clothes to the next room.
While putting laundry away in her child's room, she sees there are a couple of items that need to be hung up, so she'll put those things away as well.
She also figures she might as well take a minute to pull out her child's pajamas for the night and lay them out.
Seeing the pajamas will remind her that bathtime is coming soon, so she'll lay out a washcloth in the bathroom.
In the bathroom again, she'll notice that the wet clothing item is dripping onto the floor, so she'll go to the hall closet and pull out a towel to catch the wet drippings.
Returning to her child's room to finish putting the laundry away, she spies a bouncy ball partially hidden under her child's bed, so she'll pick it up and slip it into the spare bedroom to add to the "rainy day" collection.
Upon opening the spare bedroom door, she sees that she's forgotten to put away the wrapping paper rolls she'd gotten out a few nights prior to wrap some gifts. She'll take a minute to put those away.
While she's finishing that job, her small child barges in the room and reminds her that it's time for her bath, so she'll take her to the bathroom, brush her teeth, undress her, and sit her on the potty while drawing her bath.
Her husband enters the room for bath duty and asks "What have you been doing up here?"
"Nothing," she'll reply.
:)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Raisins: a warning
When serving lunch to your two-year-old, please take caution when adding raisins to their plate. Even if she has NEVER given you an ounce of indication that she just may do something besides eat the raisin, your toddler very well may be calling you when you step out of the room by yelling "Stuck! Stuck in nose!"
You may discover that simply asking your child to blow her nose does nothing to dislodge the stuck raisin. And you may find yourself sitting in front of the largest window to get the best possible light, pinning your small child down in your lap, and using your good tweezers (as its the only pair you have, and the only thing potentially smaller than the nostrils in her cute button nose) to attempt to un-stick a dark dried fruit from a dark, snotty space.
You may further realize that your good tweezers are only pushing the raisin up further into her small nostril. But be persistent! You'll eventually get it out, even if your child is crying and apologizing FOR you since you are apparently not focused on saying you're sorry for the inconvenience.
Anyone else had the pleasure of dislodging pieces of your child's lunch from places they were never intended to be?
No? Just us?
You may discover that simply asking your child to blow her nose does nothing to dislodge the stuck raisin. And you may find yourself sitting in front of the largest window to get the best possible light, pinning your small child down in your lap, and using your good tweezers (as its the only pair you have, and the only thing potentially smaller than the nostrils in her cute button nose) to attempt to un-stick a dark dried fruit from a dark, snotty space.
You may further realize that your good tweezers are only pushing the raisin up further into her small nostril. But be persistent! You'll eventually get it out, even if your child is crying and apologizing FOR you since you are apparently not focused on saying you're sorry for the inconvenience.
Anyone else had the pleasure of dislodging pieces of your child's lunch from places they were never intended to be?
No? Just us?
Friday, October 16, 2009
Pumpkins and pacifiers
Sounds like a "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" episode, doesn't it? Or "Kate Plus Eight." Or "Jon Minus Kate." Or whatever they are today.
We're headed to the pumpkin patch and apple orchard tomorrow. I'm excited! Sassy LOVES pumpkins... I mean, they could almost qualify as a "favorite toy" right now. I can't wait to see her face when she sees a field full of them!
We're going to pick apples. I've never been apple-picking before, but since I have all the canning supplies, I'm going to try making homemade applesauce to can. Sassy could eat applesauce every single day if I let her, so I'm really curious to see how much cheaper it is to make my own. Maybe I'll even try making cinnamon apples for dessert tomorrow night. Yum!
I wanted to make her a cute pumpkin shirt this evening, but just ran out of time. When putting her to bed, she HANDED me her pacifier. That has NEVER happened before! I asked "Do you want Mommy to have your paci?" and she just laid there... so I took it with me, closed the door, and braced myself for the screaming. Which came... and lasted for the better part of an hour. I watched her on the monitor, and every time I debated going in, she would quiet down. Around the 45-minute mark, I went in her room, and all she wanted was to be held. It was so sweet... so precious... and gave me hope for the day when we actually WILL give up the pacifier that she might just be comforted by our presence. Which, by the way, that day is not today. We caved. She went to sleep approximately 1.483 seconds after getting that darn thing in her mouth again. *sigh*
So, since I had no intentions whatsoever to start paci-weaning tonight, and since I decided to get caught up on other things instead, Sassy will be wearing a decidedly non-fallish purple cable-knit sweater with a bow to match. (I had already started cute little korker clips to match the pumpkin shirt I had envisioned.) Oh well! It'll be too cold to go sans a coat anyway.
We're headed to the pumpkin patch and apple orchard tomorrow. I'm excited! Sassy LOVES pumpkins... I mean, they could almost qualify as a "favorite toy" right now. I can't wait to see her face when she sees a field full of them!
We're going to pick apples. I've never been apple-picking before, but since I have all the canning supplies, I'm going to try making homemade applesauce to can. Sassy could eat applesauce every single day if I let her, so I'm really curious to see how much cheaper it is to make my own. Maybe I'll even try making cinnamon apples for dessert tomorrow night. Yum!
I wanted to make her a cute pumpkin shirt this evening, but just ran out of time. When putting her to bed, she HANDED me her pacifier. That has NEVER happened before! I asked "Do you want Mommy to have your paci?" and she just laid there... so I took it with me, closed the door, and braced myself for the screaming. Which came... and lasted for the better part of an hour. I watched her on the monitor, and every time I debated going in, she would quiet down. Around the 45-minute mark, I went in her room, and all she wanted was to be held. It was so sweet... so precious... and gave me hope for the day when we actually WILL give up the pacifier that she might just be comforted by our presence. Which, by the way, that day is not today. We caved. She went to sleep approximately 1.483 seconds after getting that darn thing in her mouth again. *sigh*
So, since I had no intentions whatsoever to start paci-weaning tonight, and since I decided to get caught up on other things instead, Sassy will be wearing a decidedly non-fallish purple cable-knit sweater with a bow to match. (I had already started cute little korker clips to match the pumpkin shirt I had envisioned.) Oh well! It'll be too cold to go sans a coat anyway.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thank you, Mommy
Sassy has started saying "thank you, Mommy" instead of just "thank you" in the last few weeks. It is adorable and melts my heart every time I hear her sweet little voice say those words. It really is too precious!
Thanking me for anything from a snack of Cheerios, a book to read, a little toy, or even just at a completely random time when I haven't "done" anything in particular for her has become a hobby of sorts for my sweet twenty-one month old. But I know she understands what she is saying, because she will thank other people (grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles) in the same way, and using the appropriate name for the person.
Last week, as I was putting her to bed, I tucked her in and handed her the first comfort item within reach, which happened to be a little pink stuffed bunny that she's had since she was very, very small. It plays a lullaby and has soft fuzzy ears that she always liked to feel. This bunny was a gift from her grandma -- her biological grandma, "Grandma M."
As I handed Sassy the bunny to snuggle with as she drifted off into dreamland, she looked up at me, and with that precious little voice said, "Thank you, Mommy."
I know she was just thanking me because it has become a habit, a ritual in a way. We have always worked with her to say "please" and "thank you" when appropriate, and so far, we've always had a (mostly) polite little girl. She was happy I had handed her the little bunny to cuddle with, and she thanked me. But, I couldn't help but think of how we never would have had that little bunny from her first grandma, had we not allowed our hearts to be opened toward Sassy's biological family.
Open adoption is not the cure-all for the loss and grief that is caused by severing a family through adoption while creating a new one. It's not a quick and easy fix; it's not a Band-Aid. It's not "adoption without tears." There are still tears, and there are still lots of them sometimes.
But, open adoption is worthwhile. There is value in it. It will provide my child with access to her genetic heritage, and what may be more important to her someday, the option of having a relationship with those from whom she came.
It's not always easy. Sometimes, it's challenging. Often times, it's confusing. It can even be downright hard. But, my daughter? She's worth it. She's worth every single ounce of it.
You are so very welcome, sweetheart.
Thanking me for anything from a snack of Cheerios, a book to read, a little toy, or even just at a completely random time when I haven't "done" anything in particular for her has become a hobby of sorts for my sweet twenty-one month old. But I know she understands what she is saying, because she will thank other people (grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles) in the same way, and using the appropriate name for the person.
Last week, as I was putting her to bed, I tucked her in and handed her the first comfort item within reach, which happened to be a little pink stuffed bunny that she's had since she was very, very small. It plays a lullaby and has soft fuzzy ears that she always liked to feel. This bunny was a gift from her grandma -- her biological grandma, "Grandma M."
As I handed Sassy the bunny to snuggle with as she drifted off into dreamland, she looked up at me, and with that precious little voice said, "Thank you, Mommy."
I know she was just thanking me because it has become a habit, a ritual in a way. We have always worked with her to say "please" and "thank you" when appropriate, and so far, we've always had a (mostly) polite little girl. She was happy I had handed her the little bunny to cuddle with, and she thanked me. But, I couldn't help but think of how we never would have had that little bunny from her first grandma, had we not allowed our hearts to be opened toward Sassy's biological family.
Open adoption is not the cure-all for the loss and grief that is caused by severing a family through adoption while creating a new one. It's not a quick and easy fix; it's not a Band-Aid. It's not "adoption without tears." There are still tears, and there are still lots of them sometimes.
But, open adoption is worthwhile. There is value in it. It will provide my child with access to her genetic heritage, and what may be more important to her someday, the option of having a relationship with those from whom she came.
It's not always easy. Sometimes, it's challenging. Often times, it's confusing. It can even be downright hard. But, my daughter? She's worth it. She's worth every single ounce of it.
You are so very welcome, sweetheart.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Open Adoption Roundtable: One Small Moment
From the roundtable this time: write about a small moment that open adoption made possible.
When I first read this week's discussion topic, I must not have been paying close enough attention. I thought Heather was asking us to write about a small moment that made open adoption possible. My mistake. :)
But I think I'm on the right page now!
In thinking of our particular situation (and maybe others can relate), the entire relationship has been made up of a lot of small moments. In the past almost twenty months, we've had very few earth-shattering moments where our relationship with "A" is concerned.
And though I would still consider our adoption to be an open one, it is often more "semi-open," or even somewhat "closed" in practice. It's not for lack of trying; but, this is how things have more often than not played out.
So, maybe all the more because of that fact, I greatly treasure the one visit we have had since our sassy little girl was born. She was six months old at the time--the perfect age for still being a cuddly baby, and yet having so much awareness of her surroundings, responding to others, and being fully entertained (and entertaining) with smiles and laughter.
We spent the entire day with A, her family, and friends. We visited with those we had not see in six months, and we met others who had known our precious girl before she was born, not yet having had the opportunity to see her in person. She was passed from person to person, family member to friend, grandparent to grandparent, and mother to mother. She did beautifully the whole time, and on that day more than ever, I was SO grateful for her easy-going nature and flexibility in unfamiliar situations.
She was a baby, though, and naptime did come. I had wondered how we would manage to not push her past her limit, while still allowing A to savor every moment with her. I tried not to worry about it too much beforehand, and just decided we would take the day as it came.
It came time for a bottle, and A gladly did the honors. I loved that she got to snuggle her sweet baby as she ate. There's something so precious about feeding a baby--your baby. After mealtime was over, the room started to quiet down as others went into the kitchen to eat or went outside to chat and play games. People stopped coming and going as much, and the room became still for the first time all day. Maybe others sensed the need for a few quiet moments between A and the daughter she'd missed all these months, or maybe everything just fell into place.
She began to rock our sweet baby. She relaxed her arms so she would lay back in them. She cuddled her and stroked her face. She quietly "shhh'ed" her, just like all mothers do with their tired babies. It was the most natural thing in all the world, and in a way, I felt like I was intruding a bit by being present in the room. I quickly took a few pictures of the two, and then left to sit outside with my husband and enjoy the cookout. I told him what a precious thing was going on at that moment, and how I only wished our little girl would stop her attentive nature for just a few moments, so that she wouldn't be raising her head to look at me. We smiled at what a lovely day it really had been.
Days later, as A and I were corresponding via email about the visit we'd had, she noted that, among other things, she loved being able to rock our daughter in her sleepy state, and how it brought her such relief to see her craning her neck to watch Mommy. She commented that, as a "birth mom," she was so happy to see our girl safe and secure. She had been worried that their strong connection as a family, similar physical attributes, and other characteristics would make us feel sad or upset on that day, and how she hoped we understood that our parenthood wasn't being threatened.
I wrote back immediately and told her that, first of all, I had been worried that she had been upset by the neck-craning, and second, having a sense of acceptance and biological heritage for our daughter on that day was the thing I had most been hoping for on our visit. How funny that the things we were each fearing for the other were the very things that meant so much to us.
I will never forget the image of A rocking our baby girl. It was as if they'd never been separated. I'm so thankful to have the pictures from that day, but I'm also so thankful for the quiet moments between a mother and her child.
When I first read this week's discussion topic, I must not have been paying close enough attention. I thought Heather was asking us to write about a small moment that made open adoption possible. My mistake. :)
But I think I'm on the right page now!
In thinking of our particular situation (and maybe others can relate), the entire relationship has been made up of a lot of small moments. In the past almost twenty months, we've had very few earth-shattering moments where our relationship with "A" is concerned.
And though I would still consider our adoption to be an open one, it is often more "semi-open," or even somewhat "closed" in practice. It's not for lack of trying; but, this is how things have more often than not played out.
So, maybe all the more because of that fact, I greatly treasure the one visit we have had since our sassy little girl was born. She was six months old at the time--the perfect age for still being a cuddly baby, and yet having so much awareness of her surroundings, responding to others, and being fully entertained (and entertaining) with smiles and laughter.
We spent the entire day with A, her family, and friends. We visited with those we had not see in six months, and we met others who had known our precious girl before she was born, not yet having had the opportunity to see her in person. She was passed from person to person, family member to friend, grandparent to grandparent, and mother to mother. She did beautifully the whole time, and on that day more than ever, I was SO grateful for her easy-going nature and flexibility in unfamiliar situations.
She was a baby, though, and naptime did come. I had wondered how we would manage to not push her past her limit, while still allowing A to savor every moment with her. I tried not to worry about it too much beforehand, and just decided we would take the day as it came.
It came time for a bottle, and A gladly did the honors. I loved that she got to snuggle her sweet baby as she ate. There's something so precious about feeding a baby--your baby. After mealtime was over, the room started to quiet down as others went into the kitchen to eat or went outside to chat and play games. People stopped coming and going as much, and the room became still for the first time all day. Maybe others sensed the need for a few quiet moments between A and the daughter she'd missed all these months, or maybe everything just fell into place.
She began to rock our sweet baby. She relaxed her arms so she would lay back in them. She cuddled her and stroked her face. She quietly "shhh'ed" her, just like all mothers do with their tired babies. It was the most natural thing in all the world, and in a way, I felt like I was intruding a bit by being present in the room. I quickly took a few pictures of the two, and then left to sit outside with my husband and enjoy the cookout. I told him what a precious thing was going on at that moment, and how I only wished our little girl would stop her attentive nature for just a few moments, so that she wouldn't be raising her head to look at me. We smiled at what a lovely day it really had been.
Days later, as A and I were corresponding via email about the visit we'd had, she noted that, among other things, she loved being able to rock our daughter in her sleepy state, and how it brought her such relief to see her craning her neck to watch Mommy. She commented that, as a "birth mom," she was so happy to see our girl safe and secure. She had been worried that their strong connection as a family, similar physical attributes, and other characteristics would make us feel sad or upset on that day, and how she hoped we understood that our parenthood wasn't being threatened.
I wrote back immediately and told her that, first of all, I had been worried that she had been upset by the neck-craning, and second, having a sense of acceptance and biological heritage for our daughter on that day was the thing I had most been hoping for on our visit. How funny that the things we were each fearing for the other were the very things that meant so much to us.
I will never forget the image of A rocking our baby girl. It was as if they'd never been separated. I'm so thankful to have the pictures from that day, but I'm also so thankful for the quiet moments between a mother and her child.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
It was bound to happen
My toddler woke up this morning and, instead of politely requesting "Mommy, please come get me up now," she sat and played. By taking off her diaper. And playing in her poop.
Poop on her pajamas, poop on the crib rails, poop on her bedding, poop on the pacifier... still in her mouth. DISGUSTING!!
It took nearly an hour to bathe her, strip the crib of the bedding (including the bumper), scrub the poop off the crib itself, disinfect everything, wash the bumper, hang it out to dry, and wash the rest of the bedding. Just what I wanted to do this morning.
Now the last load is in the dryer, she is napping in a freshly-cleaned crib, and I just remembered I still need to clean the tub.
I've always heard stories like this and hoped my child would never do that. At least I made it this long!
Poop on her pajamas, poop on the crib rails, poop on her bedding, poop on the pacifier... still in her mouth. DISGUSTING!!
It took nearly an hour to bathe her, strip the crib of the bedding (including the bumper), scrub the poop off the crib itself, disinfect everything, wash the bumper, hang it out to dry, and wash the rest of the bedding. Just what I wanted to do this morning.
Now the last load is in the dryer, she is napping in a freshly-cleaned crib, and I just remembered I still need to clean the tub.
I've always heard stories like this and hoped my child would never do that. At least I made it this long!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Lunch
Lunch today went like this:
I feed my daughter chicken noodle soup, green beans, mixed fruit, and milk. I put away groceries while she eats.
By the time that is finished, she is done eating. I clean her up and get her down from the high chair.
She goes off to play, while I mix up some chicken salad for my lunch. She knocks down a tote full of blocks, falls down, and comes running into the kitchen, crying.
I pick her up. She wants a bite of chicken salad. The dog is whining to go outside.
I put her down. She cries. I let the dog go out.
I pick her back up and make my sandwich one-handed. I put a handful of chips on my plate, and she wants one of those, too. I give her a bite of bread instead.
The dog is now barking to come back inside. I put her down so I can let him back in. She cries.
I hold her hand and carry my lunch into the living room. She's distracted for 2.8 seconds with a toy or a commercial with a dog in it or something. Long enough for me to take a bite.
She wants up in my lap. She sits still, but then squirms to try to grab at my plate. I give her another bite of bread, and that satisfies her momentarily.
She wanders off to play with a lamp cord. I get up and pull her away. She wanders back, and I pull her away again, telling her that is a "no touch." She goes back a third time, and this now lands her in time out.
She screams. I sit and attempt to eat a bit more of my lunch. She hits her head against the wall. The dog thinks someone is knocking at the door, so now he's going nuts.
I get up to get her out of time out. I talk to her and tell her that she cannot play with the lamp cord.
I stand up to find that the dog has jumped into my chair and is now eating the rest of my sandwich, dropping bits of chicken on the floor. I yell for him to stop, but it's too late. I send him to his kennel.
I come back to clean up the mess, and my sassy little girl is back at the lamp cord again within thirty seconds.
We repeat time out, but this time it is louder.
Next, it is time for nap, so we go upstairs to read books. She lays down for her nap and goes to sleep.
It may not have been a relaxing lunchtime, but with the child asleep and the dog in his kennel, it's at least shaping up to be a quiet afternoon.
I feed my daughter chicken noodle soup, green beans, mixed fruit, and milk. I put away groceries while she eats.
By the time that is finished, she is done eating. I clean her up and get her down from the high chair.
She goes off to play, while I mix up some chicken salad for my lunch. She knocks down a tote full of blocks, falls down, and comes running into the kitchen, crying.
I pick her up. She wants a bite of chicken salad. The dog is whining to go outside.
I put her down. She cries. I let the dog go out.
I pick her back up and make my sandwich one-handed. I put a handful of chips on my plate, and she wants one of those, too. I give her a bite of bread instead.
The dog is now barking to come back inside. I put her down so I can let him back in. She cries.
I hold her hand and carry my lunch into the living room. She's distracted for 2.8 seconds with a toy or a commercial with a dog in it or something. Long enough for me to take a bite.
She wants up in my lap. She sits still, but then squirms to try to grab at my plate. I give her another bite of bread, and that satisfies her momentarily.
She wanders off to play with a lamp cord. I get up and pull her away. She wanders back, and I pull her away again, telling her that is a "no touch." She goes back a third time, and this now lands her in time out.
She screams. I sit and attempt to eat a bit more of my lunch. She hits her head against the wall. The dog thinks someone is knocking at the door, so now he's going nuts.
I get up to get her out of time out. I talk to her and tell her that she cannot play with the lamp cord.
I stand up to find that the dog has jumped into my chair and is now eating the rest of my sandwich, dropping bits of chicken on the floor. I yell for him to stop, but it's too late. I send him to his kennel.
I come back to clean up the mess, and my sassy little girl is back at the lamp cord again within thirty seconds.
We repeat time out, but this time it is louder.
Next, it is time for nap, so we go upstairs to read books. She lays down for her nap and goes to sleep.
It may not have been a relaxing lunchtime, but with the child asleep and the dog in his kennel, it's at least shaping up to be a quiet afternoon.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Why I never get anything done during the day
Most days go like this:
If I'm not pulling her away from the trashcan, I'm stopping her from tearing pages out of my Bible. If I'm not unwrapping her little hand from yanking the dog's tail, I'm walking behind her closing all the drawers and cabinets she opens up.
I sure would love to be able to get SOMETHING done beyond naptime hours, but I honestly don't know how! And then I think, "Well, what would I expect from someone WATCHING my child during the day?" I certainly would expect them to be interacting with her, playing, taking her outside, reading books to her, doing activities with her... so of course, I expect that from myself, too.
I've been trying really hard in the past few months to use my time wisely and to the best of my ability. I know I can't expect miracles, and I know I'm only one person. I try to be as organized as I can be with things like having dinners for the week planned out, doing a load of laundry a day instead of doing it all at once, etc. But I'm starting to understand why so many moms say "There's just not enough hours in the day!"
- Wake up
- Change a diaper
- Breakfast
- Clean up
- Get my daughter dressed
- Get her settled for some "reading time" in her crib while I shower
- Get myself ready
- Make the bed
- Change a diaper
- Start a load of laundry
- Set something out for dinner
- Notice something stinks... change a diaper again
- Playtime/run errands/go on a walk
- Lunch
- Clean up
- Change her clothes, if necessary
- Realize it's 1:15 and I haven't done any real "housework" yet...
- Try to fold laundry, only to have clothing scattered across the living room by my child
- Try to get her distracted with some toys while I clean the bathroom, but end up only getting to the sink because she's decided to flip out over not being attached to my hip
- Change a diaper
- Read some books together
- NAPTIME!!!
- Happily breathe a sigh of relief and do one of two things:
1.) Run like a mad woman through the house for two hours trying to accomplish a day's worth of chores, or
2.) Collapse at the computer and let too much of naptime go by - Back upstairs to change a diaper
- Afternoon playtime
- Start getting dinner ready
- Husband comes home and says "What did you do today?"
If I'm not pulling her away from the trashcan, I'm stopping her from tearing pages out of my Bible. If I'm not unwrapping her little hand from yanking the dog's tail, I'm walking behind her closing all the drawers and cabinets she opens up.
I sure would love to be able to get SOMETHING done beyond naptime hours, but I honestly don't know how! And then I think, "Well, what would I expect from someone WATCHING my child during the day?" I certainly would expect them to be interacting with her, playing, taking her outside, reading books to her, doing activities with her... so of course, I expect that from myself, too.
I've been trying really hard in the past few months to use my time wisely and to the best of my ability. I know I can't expect miracles, and I know I'm only one person. I try to be as organized as I can be with things like having dinners for the week planned out, doing a load of laundry a day instead of doing it all at once, etc. But I'm starting to understand why so many moms say "There's just not enough hours in the day!"
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Time out
My sweet little girl is a stubborn little thing. She's going to give us a run for our money during the teenage years, I fear!
The word "NO" has very little meaning some days. She slaps her hand and says "no, no" but doesn't obey. Redirection works sometimes, but not as much as I wish it did! When she throws a fit over something trivial, it normally works to ignore her until she stops -- which is usually quickly if she's not getting any attention!
Basically, I've been realizing over the past six months or so, that it's VERY hard to discipline a one-year-old, because you aren't truly sure how much is getting through to them. Now at eighteen months, I feel like we are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel on this one. Not that I expect discipline to ever be "easy," but it's just so darn confusing and frustrating (for her AND me!) when they're at this young age, have a limited vocabulary to express what they want, and you're not sure how much of what you say that they understand.
I have sporadically tried doing "time outs" with her in the past few months, but they never worked because she didn't understand the concept of sitting until Mommy comes to get you. It was just a lot of tears and screaming and looks of utter confusion, while I sat with her, putting her back in her spot over and over and over again. Not effective!
I'm not the type of parent that gets on my child for every little thing. I fully believe in the importance of showing lenience where you can. BUT, I'm also not going to be a pushover. She has got to learn that Mom and Dad are in control, and that she HAS to obey!
Disobedience is our main issue currently. (Isn't it the main issue for all parents?) She might say "no" to herself, but keep right on doing the exact activity we tell her not to do.
So the trick becomes... what is an effective discipline for my child? What can help her best learn to obey?
Out of desperation yesterday, I tried the time out again. By all means, I have no plans of replacing spanking with time outs, but spanking should not be the "first stop" on the road of discipline (unless it were a truly dangerous situation, like running into the street, which I could understand might require an immediate spanking). But what about all the little infractions that happen throughout the day? I'm certainly not going to spank her for each one of those things, but she isn't responding to other things I've tried.
So, when my darling daughter was playing with the trash can for the third time in ninety seconds, after having been told "NO," taking away from that "activity," and redirected twice before, we tried the time out again.
And it WORKED!!
I calmly walked her over to "the spot," sat her hiney down, and went back to finish what I was doing. I didn't have to say a word to her. She knew! She cried the whole time (which, I'm never happy about, but at least I know she understands this isn't supposed to be fun), and after one minute had passed, I went back to get her. I helped her stand up, gave her a hug, and explained to her (as best you can explain to a one-year-old) that Mommy said "no" to playing with the trash can and that she needs to obey.
She stopped crying as soon as I helped her up, and what's more, she obeyed! She stopped playing with the trash can. Hooray for small victories!
She wasn't up for half an hour this morning before we got another "opportunity" to try this trick out again. She threw her milk cup from her tray when she was done eating breakfast. I have been trying to teach her to hand it to me when she's done, but she looks right at me and throws it instead! She's got quite the attitude already!
After throwing the cup the first time, I handed it back to her and asked her to give her cup to Mommy instead. NOPE! She smiled and tossed it over the side away from me. STINKER!!
I gave her a repeat performance of yesterday... calmly took off her high chair tray, picked her up, and sat her down in "the spot." Tears immediately. I went back into the kitchen to clean up (around the corner from where she was) and watched the clock. Why does one minute seem SO LONG?!
Same deal as before. I went back to get her, gave her a hug and told her I loved her, and told her that she needs to obey and not throw her cup. Then I walked her over to where her cup was still on the floor and asked her to pick it up and hand it to me. She giggled a bit (maybe this part seemed like a game?), but complied.
It's just nice to finally have something that works... for now, anyway!
The word "NO" has very little meaning some days. She slaps her hand and says "no, no" but doesn't obey. Redirection works sometimes, but not as much as I wish it did! When she throws a fit over something trivial, it normally works to ignore her until she stops -- which is usually quickly if she's not getting any attention!
Basically, I've been realizing over the past six months or so, that it's VERY hard to discipline a one-year-old, because you aren't truly sure how much is getting through to them. Now at eighteen months, I feel like we are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel on this one. Not that I expect discipline to ever be "easy," but it's just so darn confusing and frustrating (for her AND me!) when they're at this young age, have a limited vocabulary to express what they want, and you're not sure how much of what you say that they understand.
I have sporadically tried doing "time outs" with her in the past few months, but they never worked because she didn't understand the concept of sitting until Mommy comes to get you. It was just a lot of tears and screaming and looks of utter confusion, while I sat with her, putting her back in her spot over and over and over again. Not effective!
I'm not the type of parent that gets on my child for every little thing. I fully believe in the importance of showing lenience where you can. BUT, I'm also not going to be a pushover. She has got to learn that Mom and Dad are in control, and that she HAS to obey!
Disobedience is our main issue currently. (Isn't it the main issue for all parents?) She might say "no" to herself, but keep right on doing the exact activity we tell her not to do.
So the trick becomes... what is an effective discipline for my child? What can help her best learn to obey?
Out of desperation yesterday, I tried the time out again. By all means, I have no plans of replacing spanking with time outs, but spanking should not be the "first stop" on the road of discipline (unless it were a truly dangerous situation, like running into the street, which I could understand might require an immediate spanking). But what about all the little infractions that happen throughout the day? I'm certainly not going to spank her for each one of those things, but she isn't responding to other things I've tried.
So, when my darling daughter was playing with the trash can for the third time in ninety seconds, after having been told "NO," taking away from that "activity," and redirected twice before, we tried the time out again.
And it WORKED!!
I calmly walked her over to "the spot," sat her hiney down, and went back to finish what I was doing. I didn't have to say a word to her. She knew! She cried the whole time (which, I'm never happy about, but at least I know she understands this isn't supposed to be fun), and after one minute had passed, I went back to get her. I helped her stand up, gave her a hug, and explained to her (as best you can explain to a one-year-old) that Mommy said "no" to playing with the trash can and that she needs to obey.
She stopped crying as soon as I helped her up, and what's more, she obeyed! She stopped playing with the trash can. Hooray for small victories!
She wasn't up for half an hour this morning before we got another "opportunity" to try this trick out again. She threw her milk cup from her tray when she was done eating breakfast. I have been trying to teach her to hand it to me when she's done, but she looks right at me and throws it instead! She's got quite the attitude already!
After throwing the cup the first time, I handed it back to her and asked her to give her cup to Mommy instead. NOPE! She smiled and tossed it over the side away from me. STINKER!!
I gave her a repeat performance of yesterday... calmly took off her high chair tray, picked her up, and sat her down in "the spot." Tears immediately. I went back into the kitchen to clean up (around the corner from where she was) and watched the clock. Why does one minute seem SO LONG?!
Same deal as before. I went back to get her, gave her a hug and told her I loved her, and told her that she needs to obey and not throw her cup. Then I walked her over to where her cup was still on the floor and asked her to pick it up and hand it to me. She giggled a bit (maybe this part seemed like a game?), but complied.
It's just nice to finally have something that works... for now, anyway!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Mommy journals
This morning, I have gotten up, showered and dressed, ate breakfast, checked my email, made the bed, started a load of laundry, sorted the rest, hung up clothes, did some cleaning, got my daughter up and dressed, fed her breakfast, dropped off lunch for my husband, went to the grocery, came home with a crying toddler, put groceries away, got her started on lunch... and am now sitting down to check my email once more before finishing lunchtime (hers, not mine).
It's only 12:15 in the afternoon. And it's Monday. And my head hurts.
This afternoon, I hope to eat lunch myself, take my daughter on a walk, read her some books, put her down for a nap (glorious!), finish the cleaning the bathrooms (which I started this morning), finish the load of laundry I started already, wash the kitchen curtains that my daughter grabbed with her chili-covered hands, spend a few minutes exercising (maybe), plant some flowers outside, and start preparing dinner.
Any other moms' days look like this?
It sounds like a lot, and some days it feels like a lot. But other days, things just fall into place and I go to bed feeling like I accomplished everything I wanted to do that day. Those days are nice, but when that doesn't happen, I try to remember that I get another chance to do it all over again tomorrow. Right?
So that's pretty much it. I'm a wife of six years, I used to be a teacher in my previous life, and now I'm a stay-at-home mom who enjoys spending time with my eighteen-month-old daughter, cooking, taking care of our home, reading, photography (but I pretty much only have one subject!), doing crafty projects when the budget and time allows for it, and I'm currently loving selecting, planting, and transferring plants and flowers in our yard.
Oh, and our daughter came into our family through domestic open adoption.
It's only 12:15 in the afternoon. And it's Monday. And my head hurts.
This afternoon, I hope to eat lunch myself, take my daughter on a walk, read her some books, put her down for a nap (glorious!), finish the cleaning the bathrooms (which I started this morning), finish the load of laundry I started already, wash the kitchen curtains that my daughter grabbed with her chili-covered hands, spend a few minutes exercising (maybe), plant some flowers outside, and start preparing dinner.
Any other moms' days look like this?
It sounds like a lot, and some days it feels like a lot. But other days, things just fall into place and I go to bed feeling like I accomplished everything I wanted to do that day. Those days are nice, but when that doesn't happen, I try to remember that I get another chance to do it all over again tomorrow. Right?
So that's pretty much it. I'm a wife of six years, I used to be a teacher in my previous life, and now I'm a stay-at-home mom who enjoys spending time with my eighteen-month-old daughter, cooking, taking care of our home, reading, photography (but I pretty much only have one subject!), doing crafty projects when the budget and time allows for it, and I'm currently loving selecting, planting, and transferring plants and flowers in our yard.
Oh, and our daughter came into our family through domestic open adoption.
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